Separation is usually stressful but often more so where domestic violence has characterised the relationship, or has become present on separation.
Domestic or family violence has several definitions and can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, social or spiritual. Often domestic violence is grounded in one person attempting to exercise their control over another person.
Research into domestic violence indicates there are categories or characteristics to the behaviour that professionals working with people caught up in violent relationships ought to recognise. Some examples are:
- “Coercive and controlling violence” – where violence is used to disempower or control another person;
- “Situational” -where arguments escalate to the point of violence, often by both parties towards each other;
- “Violent resistance” – when a partner uses violence to defend against abuse;
- “Separation induced violence” – often isolated acts of violence in response to the stress of separation, seeking to regain control.
Nobody should ever feel unsafe in a relationship. But for your health and safety, there are important steps to take when you separate in circumstances of family violence.
Escape – Physical safety first
If you are in a situation of immediate danger remove yourself, children and pets from that situation.
If you are unable to get to safety you should immediately call Police.
Getting to safety is often very difficult for practical, financial and emotional reasons however there is support available.
Some of the assistance currently available is:
- DV Connect Women’s Line 1800 811 811
- DV Connect Men’s Line 1800 600 636
- Kids Help Line 1800 55 1800
- Lifeline 13 11 14
Currently the Queensland Government has useful information available on the following link:
Some organisations recommend preparing a “go bag” that includes clothes, cash and essentials for the children. Having copies of financial information, and other important paperwork such as pass ports is important as well. The Domestic Violence Crisis Service has a useful checklist that can help with the planning.
Get a lawyer
Empowering yourself includes getting a legal specialist on your side to assist you.
In this situation knowledge is power; and knowing your rights with respect to Protection Orders, child custody, property settlement and court procedures, can assist you to with separation strategy. Your lawyer is your guide during this tough time.
Some charity organisations against domestic violence offer free advice or you may be eligible for legal aid. Some lawyers, such as Hooper Mill Family Lawyers, are private firms on the Legal Aid Queensland panel who can make the application for you, and be nominated as your family law solicitor.
If you are living with family violence speak up.
Ideally you would make a complaint to Police if you are a victim, however you may not yet be prepared to make a formal complaint.
Counselling services such as those referred to above may be able to assist and if you need someone to talk to.
Trusted friends and family members can also be good people to talk to regarding the situation as well as a trusted general medical practitioner.
It is important that you are certain whoever you talk to will not report back to the perpetrator.
What if a Protection Order is breached?
A breach of a Protection Order in Queensland is a criminal offence.
If a Protection Order has gotten breached, the Police will require evidence before bringing criminal charges against the perpetrator. In criminal court matters, there is a higher standard of proof (“beyond a reasonable doubt”). The evidence the Police need must be sufficiently strong.
Police will often say to victims they should record any breaches if possible. This should only be done however when it is safe for you to do so. For information regarding your legal rights to make recording please refer to our article of the topic: